I love you my dear sister and had to share my heart on the issue of adultery, as I am increasingly hearing about women who are falling prey to the enemies’ schemes in this area. This is a long one, but I promise it’s worth the read!
I remember it clear as day…
I was about 17 years old, and it was my last year of high school. I was at a high with God, loving HIM, actively serving HIM at my local church, maintaining a 3.5 GPA in school, remaining focused and not dating anyone at time. In my eyes, everything was going well.
During school and after school, there was this one security guard I always liked speaking to. He was about 23 years old or so. He was very kind, very charming, was open to talking about GOD and, might I add, he was very handsome. We would chat all the time. We would talk amongst a group of students at lunch, while he was “doing his job” as a security guard. We would talk before school, during lunch and after school while he was on his post…you know, about GOD and life… it was cool, we we’re just talking.
Our conversations went from speaking about Jesus to him saying things like, “it’s was so nice talking to you…” to “I just love talking to you Melody, you’re so mature…” to “wow, you look really pretty today…” I knew something wasn’t right about it, how our conversations were less about God and now more about complementing me.
But I thought, “I have it all under control we’re just “talking”, right?”
Did I mention he was married? Oh, sorry forgot to mention that BIG detail. So let me keep it real, here is this good looking security guard who is about 6 years older than me, who is married, who just loves talking to me and honestly, so did I. But as the flattery increased, so did my conviction. I must admit, deep down I knew it was wrong, but the attention felt nice. So I tried to “fix” it, by avoiding him for a couple weeks. I thought “whew, glad that’s over.” Until I saw him again at school and he stopped me and said, “Where have you been my friend? I miss you.” I never flirted back and I would constantly remind him in a jokingly manner “you better be careful you’re married” and he would jokingly say back, “you know I’m just kidding”…So he stopped being “sweet” with me for a little while and things seemed “in control” again…or so I thought? Cool, we can “talk” again at school.
After about a month of these kinds of interactions at school from casual conversations to once again complimenting me- one day he flat out asked me, “Maybe you and I can go to a museum or something one day.” RIGHT WHEN HE ASKED THAT, ALL THE SIN ALARMS inside of me, BEGAN TO SOUND OFF, I swear I could hear in my Spirit, “WARNING, WARNING ADULTRY, ADULTRY-EVACUATE THE AREA!” I heard that alarm so loud in my Spirit, I said sharply, “NO! NO way, I’m not going anywhere with you! I have to go”. I walked away and quickly got on the CTA bus after school on way to my part time job as I usually did.
As I stared into space, wondering “what just happened?” The LORD began to strongly speak to my heart, and asked, “DO YOU WANT TO BE THE ‘OTHER’ WOMAN?” I thought “what? Of course not God. I mean, we were just talking?” Quickly, the LORD rebuked me and said, “You have been stealing from his wife. You have been stealing his thoughts. He shouldn’t even be thinking of you! You need to CUT THIS OFF NOW! Stop entertaining conversations with him!”
As I was on the bus, I needed to hear from GOD, I pulled out my Bible and the Holy Spirit then led me to read Proverbs 5, it says this:
My son [daughter], pay attention to my wisdom;
Lend your ear to my understanding,
2 That you may preserve discretion,
And your lips may keep knowledge.
3 For the lips of an immoral woman [man] drip honey,
And her [his] mouth is smoother than oil;
4 But in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
Sharp as a two-edged sword.
5 Her feet go down to death,
Her steps lay hold of hell.
6 Lest you ponder her [his] path of life—
Her ways are unstable;
You do not know them.
7 Therefore hear me now, my children,
And do not depart from the words of my mouth.
8 Remove your way far from her,
And do not go near the door of her house,
9 Lest you give your honor to others,
And your years to the cruel one;
10 Lest aliens be filled with your wealth,
And your labors go to the house of a foreigner;
11 And you mourn at last,
When your flesh and your body are consumed,
12 And say “How I have hated instruction,
And my heart despised correction!
13 I have not obeyed the voice of my teachers,
Nor inclined my ear to those who instructed me!
14 I was on the verge of total ruin,
In the midst of the assembly and congregation.”
15 Drink water from your own cistern,
And running water from your own well.
16 Should your fountains be dispersed abroad,
Streams of water in the streets?
17 Let them be only your own, And not for strangers with you.
18 Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth.
19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
And always be enraptured with her love.
20 For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, And be embraced in the arms of a seductress?
21 For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD,
And He ponders all his paths.
22 His own iniquities entrap the wicked man,
And he is caught in the cords of his sin.
23 He shall die for lack of instruction,
And in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.
As I read those powerful words from GOD, I was so broken. The fear of the LORD came upon me, and I repented right away on the bus ride to work. I said, “God, FORGIVE ME! Why should I be enraptured by an immoral man, be embraced by the arms of a seducer?” He was totally wrong. He took advantage of my age and desire for attention. Every young girl desire attention and love and out of my vulnerability, I allowed my ears to be open to his flattery. I was wrong for opening my ears to him and allowing him to say all these things to me. IT was about to lead me straight to death and disgrace. I KNEW BETTER! Yes, he was a GROWN MAN! But I also knew this was wrong! It was leading straight to ruin me, him and his wife. My sin would have caused such a wedge in my relationship with Christ. I then quickly heard the Spirit say, “I forgive you. BUT THIS ENDS NOW. Tell him tomorrow at school, it’s DONE!”
The next day, I did just that. I went straight up to him and as I was about to speak, he had the audacity to ask, “Did you think about it?” I said, “NO, I prayed about it.” He says “oh ‘big man’ upstairs shot me down.” I thought to myself- ‘he has neither respect for me nor any respect for my God.’ I replied with “Listen, I prayed and read through the Proverbs and ‘THIS thing’ we got going on is DONE”…he then says, “What is done? We don’t have anything going on. I don’t know what you’re talking about”…
Uggh! I was so frustrated, because I knew he was lying. I then said, “Look, you can play your little games, but I am no longer going to speak to you. I am no longer going to interact with you. This is done. I am God’s property. I don’t belong to myself, I belong to God. So you can’t talk to me like you have been anymore.” He then tries to pull to the side and whispers, “What if I leave my wife?”
UGGGH!! I thought ‘this guy IS serious!’ Right then I knew God was speaking to me truthfully when HE said “Cut it off NOW”.
I ended my conversation right there. He tried to talk to me again that day at lunch and even asked to see the scriptures I was reading. I showed him Proverbs 5, 6, and 7 and he asked, “what if I don’t care what this says?” I said, “Well, I care and like I said before, this is done.” I never interacted with him again. I avoided him at all costs for the rest of my last year at school. I confessed it to God, a godly friend and my parents.
A couple weeks before graduation, he stopped me as I was walking alone to the bus stop, and asked me, “May I tell you something please?” A bit annoyed, I asked quickly and firmly, “what?” He says, “I just want to tell you that you did the right thing. My wife was pregnant with our second child when I was trying to pursue you.” I was so disgusted! I didn’t even know he had kids! It made him look worse! Here was his wife at home pregnant and he was trying to get some young girl at school! I just walked away and kept thanking God for HIS LOVE and MERCY. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. -Psalm 23:6
“How does a young woman keep her way pure? By hiding the word of God in her heart!” Psalm 119:9-10
About 3 years later, (I was in my 20’s) I was at my church and I noticed he walked in for a church service. I freaked out for a minute…but then I quickly got myself together, and thought to myself, ‘whew, I haven’t done anything!’ I have a clear conscience.
Ladies, you don’t know the freedom of having a clean and clear conscience! I went up to him and greeted him with a hand shake, “Hello, God bless you. What you are doing here? Just visiting?” He said, “yes, my mom goes here. She invited me.” I thought, “What the? You’re mom goes here!!?” He introduces me to his mom, who happens to be a woman in the church I already knew. She was a woman of God that had given me a ride home from church one day. The TWO GRANDCHILDREN, who were sitting next to her, were his sons. HIS SON WAS IN MY SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS!! LORD have mercy!
I kindly said “hello” to his mom and sat down. I grabbed my Bible, and pressed it closely against my chest, I squeezed it, as tears streamed down my face and I said to God, “I LOVE YOUR WORD, I LOVE YOU LORD, I love you LORD, I love you LORD. I love your WORD!”
See ladies, God loves us so much, by HIS grace, and following His Spirit, I was able to say Proverbs 5:12-14 differently:
“ How I have LOVED instruction,
And my heart ACCEPTED correction!
13 I HAVE OBEYED the voice of my teachers,
I HAVE inclined my ear to those who instructed me!
14 I WAS on the verge of total ruin,
In the midst of the assembly and congregation.”
God protected me that day ladies. God protected that family and their children. God protected His name and His fame by obedience, by giving me grace for one act of obedience. Adultery can ruin you and FAMILIES. Even with repentance and GOD’s Grace sometimes it takes years to repair.
PRAISE BE TO GOD, FOR HIS LOVE AND MERCY that He can keep us and HE also can redeem us even IF we have fallen. So whether you have been cheated on, or you are the one who has committed the adultery, or are in the midst of a situation.
Jesus says, “I forgive you. GO and Sin NO MORE!” (John 8:1-11)
Woman of God, I say with love and grace, run to the feet of Jesus! Repent! CUT it off! End it now! Follow the Spirit, even if the Holy Spirit leads you to quit your job, because he works there! Do what you need to do to save yourself and your marriage. If you’re single, save your future marriage, and especially protect your marriage and love relationship with the Lord!”
As women we’re wired to be nurturers, loving, compassionate, kind, life givers. Although we’re wired this way, we also have a strong desire for security, to be loved, admired and be seen as beautiful. Our emotional needs can become a vulnerability when this need is not fulfilled early on by our fathers or in the later years by our husbands. This can become a total weakness for us when the ‘wrong man’ at the ‘wrong time’ gives us the attention that we desire. I’m also talking to my girls that don’t have a daddy that loves them and the wife who is at home who feels neglected by her husband. We ALL can fall into a trap because of our desire to love and be loved.
To my dear young ladies, the desire to love and be loved is VERY normal! The desire, in it of itself is not wrong, but fulfilling those desires outside of the context of marriage is dishonoring to God and can lead to sin. The attention this Older Married man was giving me was WRONG! I was there, I know how ‘GOOD’ felt to be admired by a fine man. I even remember thinking, ‘wow, this guy likes me so much, he’s willing to leave his wife for me’. I WAS BELIEVING A LIE! The truth of the matter was that he wanted to USE me, and was playing on my emotions and my age! He wanted to fulfill a sexual desire and who knows what have happened after he used me.
TO HIM who is able to keep you from Stumbling and present you FAULTLESS is available to get you out of any situation. (Jude 24) Jesus not only is available to get you out of a pit, He LOVES YOU LIKE CRAZY! Oh, that we would know how much He loves us! He fills EVERY void we have! But we must turn to HIM and TRUST HIM! We also must ‘GUARD OUR HEARTS, for out of it flows all the issues of life!’ –(Proverbs 4:23)
CRY out to HIM LADIES! Even, if you’re not in a situation like this, then be ready to help a sister who is in this situation.
HERE ARE STEPS THE FOUR C’S TO FREEDOM:
1. CALL it what it is! SIN is SIN. (Psalm 139:23-24)
2. CONFESS to GOD and a Godly woman you trust.Accept HIS forgiveness and grace. (1 John 1:8-9)
3. CUT IT OFF COMPLETELY AT ALL COSTS! Break up and Mean it! (Matthew 5:29-30) No, you can’t have lunch with your x-lover to have ‘catch up and have closure’. It’s closed. It’s done. END it NOW and be done with it!
4. COMMIT with accountability to put “IT” to death daily. (Romans 8:13) Whatever your “IT” may be, do whatever you have to do to cut it off and stop.
THERE IS HOPE. THERE IS HEALING. THERE IS FORGIVENESS.
THERE IS STRENGTH.
HE CAN LIFT YOU OUT OF ANY PIT YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF IN!
My sister, Listen to the spoken word: HIS