So, as I was reading Christine Caine’s book, can i have and do it all, please?, and I began to get so stirred up remembering my season of singleness and how many are in this season as well.
In the chapter “It’s All About Relationships”, Christine talks about how as a Greek girl growing up, she always felt the pressure to be married. She hated when she would go to parties and someone would say "So Christine, have you found yourself a man yet?".
She talks about how she’s met numerous women who would hold back from pursuing their “all for God” because they’re waiting for their partner to come along and "complete" them. These girls somehow feel that unless they’re married, they can’t have and do it all.
Christine says: “In my experience, I’ve found that the more passionately you’re pursuing your “all” as a single woman, the more likely it is that you will meet the right man, in the right season, who will continue to support and encourage you to have and do it all after you’re married.”
AHH! Ladies, you don’t know how TRUE this is.
I was single my junior and senior year in high school on purpose, but...then entering a bible college as a freshman, I saw so many unknown GOOD LOOKING, GODLY GUYS and I thought “every guy” was the ONE! Well, not every guy, but you know what I mean.
But none of those “good godly guys” was the one! In fact, when I did end up dating one of those “good godly guys”, it only lasted for about 6 months. When God called me out of that relationship, I was completely heartbroken.
That's when I learned just because he's a Christian doesn't mean he's for you.
I didn’t understand what God was doing at the time, but HE said, “Break up with him”. (I’ll tell you the details of the breakup another time.) Later, I came to find that, although he was a great guy, we were definitely not for each other. There was so much that God wanted me to do. There was still so much uncharted territory left for me to fulfill. I didn't know who I was and needed God to really fortify my identity in Him.
Little did I know I would meet my husband many years later...I'm SO GLAD I WAITED ON THE LORD!
It's so important ladies to know WHO YOU ARE and WHAT GOD HAS CALLED YOU TO DO before you enter into a relationship. Because if you don't know who you are, a man or someone else will tell you who you are.
Ok, so back to my story… I obeyed and broke off the relationship, completely! When I say completely, I mean completely; none of this “hanging out with my X because we’re still ‘friends’” business.
As I sought the LORD WHOLEHEARTEDLY for those next 2 months, I heard the Spirit say to my heart, “I want you to be single”. I thought “hmm I need to pray again!"
But as I kept seeking the LORD in prayer, I felt Him strongly impressing on my heart “I want you to be single…for 7 years!!”
Seven years?!?!?! THE DEVIL IS A LIAR! <loooooong sigh>
It wasn't the devil after all... I could hear the still small voice of the Lord saying “Melody, give me 7 years.”
Whew, I cried…I fussed, I kicked, I fought, I finally got counsel from godly people the LORD placed on my heart and they all gave counsel like, “Wow this is from the LORD. God is doing something special with you!”
Stubbornly in my heart, I maintained, “this can't be GOD! Why would he not want me to date for the next 7 years? I mean who does that?”.
Other godly counsel chimed in with “this is your Isaac” sacrifice your 7 years on the altar, and maybe God will say ‘ok, I see your willingness, you only need to give 2 years.’
“Hmm, I thought now that sounds like a plan.”
After much prayer, fasting, seeking, and reading HIS word, God didn't change His request, But I finally surrendered and said
I knew what it felt like to be OUTSIDE of HIS will before and I never wanted to be there again!
I made the vow. I vowed not even to date for 7 years.
Now during those 7 years, I didn’t wear a long black dress, put ashes on my forehead, sit on the sidelines and twiddle my thumbs doing nothing, waiting for “my knight and shining armor” to come and rescue me. But I did use ALL my free time to do ALL I could for God. I didn’t wait till Claudaniel (aka “CD”)found me to start pursuing ALL God had for me.
Neither did Christine Caine, she writes, “Imagine if I had been sitting on the sidelines with a secret desire to have and do it all, but waited until Nick married me to start pursuing it? Once the honey moon was over, I would really start to begin my sprint towards my destiny. He would have thought he married a different woman! But because I was already in the thick trenches of my having and doing it all, Nick has only ever known me as a woman who wants God’s “all” for her life. In fact, it was because I was going after God with “all” as a single woman he was attracted to me in the first place; so it was no surprise to him when I continued to do so an engaged woman, and then as a married woman and now as a mother.”
This is SO TRUE!! CD was attracted to me when I was in my fullest element. I was preaching to hundreds of African students in schools in Uganda! See I wasn’t in Chicago, alone in a dark room praying for a husband. I was out doing “ALL” God had for me to do, to build His kingdom.I was going hard after God to pursue His purposes and CD was going hard after God too.
But at the time when I made my 7 year vow, I didn’t know what GOD had planned. I had to trust the LORD. I had to trust HIS character. I knew that HE was good and that not one good thing will HE withhold from those who love HIM!
I knew I wasn’t waiting for my “knight”.
I knew that HE already came 2,000 years ago...His name is Jesus.
Christine describes confident godly women as this, “They don’t view singlehood as a barrier to having and doing it all. They have actually come to the realization that if you can trust God with your salvation, health, career, destiny, calling and finances, you can trust HIM to bring you a life partner.”
I couldn't agree more!
All my single ladies, if you don’t find your identity and purpose in Christ now, you may not when you’re married. For when you marry, you might put the unfair expectation on your our husband to complete you--when that is a void ONLY God can fill.
“When it comes to long-term relationships, the one that will most directly impact our capacity to have and do it all is the person we choose to marry.” –Chris Caine
THIS IS SO TRUE! I’ve met too many women who get desperate and settle for a “good guy”. Some don’t even settle for a good guy, some flat out beg for a bad guy! Don’t make this mistake girl, not only are you selling yourself short, but you’re delaying your blessing! Instead use this time to your advantage!
Now, I must keep it real, there were some days I LOVED being single and the freedom I had to go do ALL I wanted and needed to do. But there were many days, I didn’t like it. It was tough. I wanted my man by my side! But I learned to be content in my singleness by really finding satisfaction in HIS presence and His Purposes.
If you wait and let GOD write your story, and you DON’T take the pen from HIS hands, you can trust that HE will write a story that far outweighs your highest expectations.
But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Matthew 6:33
Here are some other related passages that have really encouraged me and helped me to stand on HIS Truth. I encourage you to read, meditate,and even memorize HIS word!
Make sure to read "Is he the one?" after this...