Single and loving it!

So, as I was reading Christine Caine’s book, can i have and do it all, please?, and I began to get so stirred up remembering my season of singleness and how many are in this season as well.

In the chapter “It’s All About Relationships”, Christine talks about how as a Greek girl growing up, she always felt the pressure to be married.  She hated when she would go to parties and someone would say "So Christine, have you found yourself a man yet?". 

She talks about how she’s met numerous women who would hold back from pursuing their “all for God” because they’re waiting for their partner to come along and "complete" them.  These girls somehow feel that unless they’re married, they can’t have and do it all.

Christine says: “In my experience, I’ve found that the more passionately you’re pursuing your “all” as a single woman, the more likely it is that you will meet the right man, in the right season, who will continue to support and encourage you to have and do it all after you’re married.” 

AHH! Ladies, you don’t know how TRUE this is.  
I was single my junior and senior year in high school on purpose, but...then entering a bible college as a freshman, I saw so many unknown GOOD LOOKING, GODLY GUYS and I thought “every guy” was the ONE! Well, not every guy, but you know what I mean.

But none of those “good godly guys” was the one!  In fact, when I did end up dating one of those “good godly guys”, it only lasted for about 6 months. When God called me out of that relationship, I was completely heartbroken.

That's when I learned just because he's a Christian doesn't mean he's for you.
I didn’t understand what God was doing at the time, but HE said, “Break up with him”. (I’ll tell you the details of the breakup another time.)  Later, I came to find that, although he was a great guy, we were definitely not for each other.  There was so much that God wanted me to do.  There was still so much uncharted territory left for me to fulfill.  I didn't know who I was and needed God to really fortify my identity in Him.

Little did I know I would meet my husband many years later...I'm SO GLAD I WAITED ON THE LORD!

It's so important ladies to know WHO YOU ARE and WHAT GOD HAS CALLED YOU TO DO before you enter into a relationship.  Because if you don't know who you are, a man or someone else will tell you who you are. 

Ok, so back to my story… I obeyed and broke off the relationship, completely!   When I say completely, I mean completely; none of this “hanging out with my X because we’re still ‘friends’” business. 

As I sought the LORD WHOLEHEARTEDLY for those next 2 months, I heard the Spirit say to my heart, “I want you to be single”.  I thought “hmm I need to pray again!"

  But as I kept seeking the LORD in prayer, I felt Him strongly impressing on my heart “I want you to be single…for 7 years!!” 

Seven years?!?!?! THE DEVIL IS A LIAR! <loooooong sigh>

It wasn't the devil after all... I could hear the still small voice of the Lord saying “Melody, give me 7 years.”

Whew, I cried…I fussed, I kicked, I fought, I finally got counsel from godly people the LORD placed on my heart and they all gave counsel like, “Wow this is from the LORD. God is doing something special with you!” 

Stubbornly in my heart, I maintained, “this can't be GOD! Why would he not want me to date for the next 7 years? I mean who does that?”.  

Other godly counsel chimed in with “this is your Isaac” sacrifice your 7 years on the altar, and maybe God will say ‘ok, I see your willingness, you only need to give 2 years.’

Hmm, I thought now that sounds like a plan.”
After much prayer, fasting, seeking, and reading HIS word, God didn't change His request, But I finally surrendered and said


I knew what it felt like to be OUTSIDE of HIS will before and I never wanted to be there again!
I made the vow.  I vowed not even to date for 7 years.  

Now during those 7 years, I didn’t wear a long black dress, put ashes on my forehead, sit on the sidelines and twiddle my thumbs doing nothing, waiting for “my knight and shining armor” to come and rescue me.  But I did use ALL my free time to do ALL I could for God.  I didn’t wait till Claudaniel (aka “CD”)found me to start pursuing ALL God had for me.  

Neither did Christine Caine, she writes, “Imagine if I had been sitting on the sidelines with a secret desire to have and do it all, but waited until Nick married me to start pursuing it?  Once the honey moon was over, I would really start to begin my sprint towards my destiny.  He would have thought he married a different woman! But because I was already in the thick trenches of my having and doing it all, Nick has only ever known me as a woman who wants God’s “all” for her life.  In fact, it was because I was going after God with “all” as a single woman he was attracted to me in the first place; so it was no surprise to him when I continued to do so an engaged woman, and then as a married woman and now as a mother.” 
This is SO TRUE!!  CD was attracted to me when I was in my fullest element.  I was preaching to hundreds of African students in schools in Uganda!  See I wasn’t in Chicago, alone in a dark room praying for a husband.  I was out doing “ALL” God had for me to do, to build His kingdom.I was going hard after God to pursue His purposes and CD was going hard after God too.       

But at the time when I made my 7 year vow, I didn’t know what GOD had planned.  I had to trust the LORD.  I had to trust HIS character.  I knew that HE was good and that not one good thing will HE withhold from those who love HIM!

I knew I wasn’t waiting for my “knight”.  

I knew that HE already came 2,000 years ago...His name is Jesus.  

Christine describes confident godly women as this, “They don’t view singlehood as a barrier to having and doing it all.  They have actually come to the realization that if you can trust God with your salvation, health, career, destiny, calling and finances, you can trust HIM to bring you a life partner.”  

I couldn't agree more!  

All my single ladies, if you don’t find your identity and purpose in Christ now, you may not when you’re married.  For when you marry, you might put the unfair expectation on your our husband to complete you--when that is a void ONLY God can fill.

“When it comes to long-term relationships, the one that will most directly impact our capacity to have and do it all is the person we choose to marry.”  –Chris Caine

THIS IS SO TRUE!  I’ve met too many women who get desperate and settle for a “good guy”.  Some don’t even settle for a good guy, some flat out beg for a bad guy!  Don’t make this mistake girl, not only are you selling yourself short, but you’re delaying your blessing!  Instead use this time to your advantage!  

Now, I must keep it real, there were some days I LOVED being single and the freedom I had to go do ALL I wanted and needed to do.  But there were many days, I didn’t like it.  It was tough.  I wanted my man by my side!  But I learned to be content in my singleness by really finding satisfaction in HIS presence and His Purposes.

If you wait and let GOD write your story, and you DON’T take the pen from HIS hands, you can trust that HE will write a story that far outweighs your highest expectations.  

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Matthew 6:33

Here are some other related passages that have really encouraged me and helped me to stand on HIS Truth.  I encourage you to read, meditate,and even memorize HIS word!


Proverbs 3:5-6 

1 Corinthians 10:13

1 Corinthians 7

Make sure to read "Is he the one?" after this...


The other woman.

I love you my dear sister and had to share my heart on the issue of adultery, as I am increasingly hearing about women who are falling prey to the enemies’ schemes in this area.  This is a long one, but I promise it’s worth the read!

I remember it clear as day…

 I was about 17 years old, and it was my last year of high school.    I was at a high with God, loving HIM, actively serving HIM at my local church, maintaining a 3.5 GPA in school, remaining focused and not dating anyone at time.  In my eyes, everything was going well.    

During school and after school, there was this one security guard I always liked speaking to.  He was about 23 years old or so.  He was very kind, very charming, was open to talking about GOD and, might I add, he was very handsome.  We would chat all the time.  We would talk amongst a group of students at lunch, while he was “doing his job” as a security guard.  We would talk before school, during lunch and after school while he was on his post…you know, about GOD and life… it was cool, we we’re just talking.  

Our conversations went from speaking about Jesus to him saying things like, “it’s was so nice talking to you…” to “I just love talking to you Melody, you’re so mature…” to “wow, you look really pretty today…”  I knew something wasn’t right about it, how our conversations were less about God and now more about complementing me. 

But I thought, “I have it all under control we’re just “talking”, right?”  

Did I mention he was married?  Oh, sorry forgot to mention that BIG detail.  So let me keep it real, here is this good looking security guard who is about 6 years older than me, who is married, who just loves talking to me and honestly, so did I.  But as the flattery increased, so did my conviction.  I must admit, deep down I knew it was wrong, but the attention felt nice.  So I tried to “fix” it, by avoiding him for a couple weeks.  I thought “whew, glad that’s over.”  Until I saw him again at school and he stopped me and said, “Where have you been my friend?  I miss you.”  I never flirted back and I would constantly remind him in a jokingly manner “you better be careful you’re married” and he would jokingly say back, “you know I’m just kidding”…So he stopped being “sweet” with me for a little while and things seemed “in control” again…or so I thought? Cool, we can “talk” again at school.

After about a month of these kinds of interactions at school from casual conversations to once again complimenting me- one day he flat out asked me, “Maybe you and I can go to a museum or something one day.”  RIGHT WHEN HE ASKED THAT, ALL THE SIN ALARMS inside of me, BEGAN TO SOUND OFF, I swear I could hear in my Spirit, “WARNING, WARNING ADULTRY, ADULTRY-EVACUATE THE AREA!”  I heard that alarm so loud in my Spirit, I said sharply, “NO! NO way, I’m not going anywhere with you! I have to go”.  I walked away and quickly got on the CTA bus after school on way to my part time job as I usually did.  

As I stared into space, wondering “what just happened?”  The LORD began to strongly speak to my heart, and asked, “DO YOU WANT TO BE THE ‘OTHER’ WOMAN?” I thought “what? Of course not God.  I mean, we were just talking?”  Quickly, the LORD rebuked me and said, “You have been stealing from his wife.  You have been stealing his thoughts.  He shouldn’t even be thinking of you! You need to CUT THIS OFF NOW! Stop entertaining conversations with him!”  

As I was on the bus, I needed to hear from GOD, I pulled out my Bible and the Holy Spirit then led me to read Proverbs 5, it says this:

My son [daughter], pay attention to my wisdom;
      Lend your ear to my understanding, 
       2 That you may preserve discretion, 
      And your lips may keep knowledge. 

3 For the lips of an immoral woman [man] drip honey, 
      And her [his] mouth is smoother than oil;

4 But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, 
      Sharp as a two-edged sword. 
       5 Her feet go down to death, 
      Her steps lay hold of hell.
       6 Lest you ponder her [his] path of life— 
      Her ways are unstable; 
      You do not know them.
       7 Therefore hear me now, my children, 
      And do not depart from the words of my mouth. 

8 Remove your way far from her, 
      And do not go near the door of her house, 
 Lest you give your honor to others, 
      And your years to the cruel one;
       10 Lest aliens be filled with your wealth, 
      And your labors go to the house of a foreigner; 
       11 And you mourn at last, 
      When your flesh and your body are consumed, 

12 And say “How I have hated instruction, 
      And my heart despised correction! 
       13 I have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, 
      Nor inclined my ear to those who instructed me!

14 I was on the verge of total ruin, 
      In the midst of the assembly and congregation.”

15 Drink water from your own cistern, 
      And running water from your own well. 
       16 Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, 
      Streams of water in the streets? 
       17 Let them be only your own, And not for strangers with you.
18 Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth.        

19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; 
      And always be enraptured with her love.

20 For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman,       And be embraced in the arms of a seductress? 
       21 For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, 
      And He ponders all his paths. 
       22 His own iniquities entrap the wicked man,
      And he is caught in the cords of his sin. 
       23 He shall die for lack of instruction, 
      And in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.

As I read those powerful words from GOD, I was so broken.  The fear of the LORD came upon me, and I repented right away on the bus ride to work.  I said, “God, FORGIVE ME! Why should I be enraptured by an immoral man, be embraced by the arms of a seducer?”  He was totally wrong.  He took advantage of my age and desire for attention.   Every young girl desire attention and love and out of my vulnerability, I allowed my ears to be open to his flattery.  I was wrong for opening my ears to him and allowing him to say all these things to me.  IT was about to lead me straight to death and disgrace.  I KNEW BETTER!  Yes, he was a GROWN MAN!  But I also knew this was wrong!  It was leading straight to ruin me, him and his wife.  My sin would have caused such a wedge in my relationship with Christ.  I then quickly heard the Spirit say, “I forgive you.  BUT THIS ENDS NOW.  Tell him tomorrow at school, it’s DONE!”  

The next day, I did just that.  I went straight up to him and as I was about to speak, he had the audacity to ask, “Did you think about it?”  I said, “NO, I prayed about it.”  He says “oh ‘big man’ upstairs shot me down.”  I thought to myself- ‘he has neither respect for me nor any respect for my God.’  I replied with “Listen, I prayed and read through the Proverbs and ‘THIS thing’ we got going on is DONE”…he then says, “What is done?  We don’t have anything going on.  I don’t know what you’re talking about”…

Uggh! I was so frustrated, because I knew he was lying.  I then said, “Look, you can play your little games, but I am no longer going to speak to you.  I am no longer going to interact with you.  This is done.  I am God’s property.  I don’t belong to myself, I belong to God.  So you can’t talk to me like you have been anymore.”  He then tries to pull to the side and whispers, “What if I leave my wife?”

UGGGH!! I thought ‘this guy IS serious!’  Right then I knew God was speaking to me truthfully when HE said “Cut it off NOW”. 

I ended my conversation right there.  He tried to talk to me again that day at lunch and even asked to see the scriptures I was reading.  I showed him Proverbs 5, 6, and 7 and he asked, “what if I don’t care what this says?”  I said, “Well, I care and like I said before, this is done.”  I never interacted with him again.  I avoided him at all costs for the rest of my last year at school.  I confessed it to God, a godly friend and my parents.  

A couple weeks before graduation, he stopped me as I was walking alone to the bus stop, and asked me, “May I tell you something please?”  A bit annoyed, I asked quickly and firmly, “what?”  He says, “I just want to tell you that you did the right thing.  My wife was pregnant with our second child when I was trying to pursue you.”  I was so disgusted!  I didn’t even know he had kids! It made him look worse!  Here was his wife at home pregnant and he was trying to get some young girl at school!  I just walked away and kept thanking God for HIS LOVE and MERCY.  Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. -Psalm 23:6 

“How does a young woman keep her way pure? By hiding the word of God in her heart!” Psalm 119:9-10

About 3 years later, (I was in my 20’s) I was at my church and I noticed he walked in for a church service.  I freaked out for a minute…but then I quickly got myself together, and thought to myself, ‘whew, I haven’t done anything!’  I have a clear conscience.  

Ladies, you don’t know the freedom of having a clean and clear conscience!  I went up to him and greeted him with a hand shake, “Hello, God bless you.  What you are doing here? Just visiting?”  He said, “yes, my mom goes here. She invited me.”  I thought, “What the? You’re mom goes here!!?”  He introduces me to his mom, who happens to be a woman in the church I already knew.  She was a woman of God that had given me a ride home from church one day.  The TWO GRANDCHILDREN, who were sitting next to her, were his sons.  HIS SON WAS IN MY SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS!! LORD have mercy!

I kindly said “hello” to his mom and sat down.  I grabbed my Bible, and pressed it closely against my chest, I squeezed it, as tears streamed down my face and I said to God, “I LOVE YOUR WORD, I LOVE YOU LORD, I love you LORD, I love you LORD.  I love your WORD!”  

See ladies, God loves us so much, by HIS grace, and following His Spirit, I was able to say Proverbs 5:12-14 differently: 
      “ How I have LOVED instruction, 
      And my heart ACCEPTED correction! 
       13 I HAVE OBEYED the voice of my teachers, 
      I HAVE inclined my ear to those who instructed me! 
 I WAS on the verge of total ruin, 
      In the midst of the assembly and congregation.” 

God protected me that day ladies.  God protected that family and their children.  God protected His name and His fame by obedience, by giving me grace for one act of obedience.  Adultery can ruin you and FAMILIES.  Even with repentance and GOD’s Grace sometimes it takes years to repair.  

PRAISE BE TO GOD, FOR HIS LOVE AND MERCY that He can keep us and HE also can redeem us even IF we have fallen.  So whether you have been cheated on, or you are the one who has committed the adultery, or are in the midst of a situation.

Jesus says, “I forgive you.  GO and Sin NO MORE!” (John 8:1-11)

Woman of God, I say with love and grace, run to the feet of Jesus! Repent! CUT it off! End it now! Follow the Spirit, even if the Holy Spirit leads you to quit your job, because he works there! Do what you need to do to save yourself and your marriage.  If you’re single, save your future marriage, and especially protect your marriage and love relationship with the Lord!”

As women we’re wired to be nurturers, loving, compassionate, kind, life givers.   Although we’re wired this way, we also have a strong desire for security, to be loved, admired and be seen as beautiful.  Our emotional needs can become a vulnerability when this need is not fulfilled early on by our fathers or in the later years by our husbands.  This can become a total weakness for us when the ‘wrong man’ at the ‘wrong time’ gives us the attention that we desire.  I’m also talking to my girls that don’t have a daddy that loves them and the wife who is at home who feels neglected by her husband.  We ALL can fall into a trap because of our desire to love and be loved.  

To my dear young ladies, the desire to love and be loved is VERY normal!  The desire, in it of itself is not wrong, but fulfilling those desires outside of the context of marriage is dishonoring to God and can lead to sin.  The attention this Older Married man was giving me was WRONG! I was there, I know how ‘GOOD’ felt to be admired by a fine man.  I even remember thinking, ‘wow, this guy likes me so much, he’s willing to leave his wife for me’.  I WAS BELIEVING A LIE! The truth of the matter was that he wanted to USE me, and was playing on my emotions and my age!  He wanted to fulfill a sexual desire and who knows what have happened after he used me.  

TO HIM who is able to keep you from Stumbling and present you FAULTLESS is available to get you out of any situation.  (Jude 24)  Jesus not only is available to get you out of a pit, He LOVES YOU LIKE CRAZY!  Oh, that we would know how much He loves us!  He fills EVERY void we have!  But we must turn to HIM and TRUST HIM!  We also must ‘GUARD OUR HEARTS, for out of it flows all the issues of life!’ –(Proverbs 4:23)

CRY out to HIM LADIES!  Even, if you’re not in a situation like this, then be ready to help a sister who is in this situation.


1.  CALL it what it is! SIN is SIN. (Psalm 139:23-24)

2.  CONFESS to GOD and a Godly woman you trust.Accept HIS forgiveness and grace.        (1 John 1:8-9)

3.  CUT IT OFF COMPLETELY AT ALL COSTS!  Break up and Mean it! (Matthew 5:29-30) No, you can’t have lunch with your x-lover to have ‘catch up and have closure’.  It’s closed. It’s done. END it NOW and be done with it!

4. COMMIT with accountability to put “IT” to death daily. (Romans 8:13) Whatever your “IT” may be, do whatever you have to do to cut it off and stop. 




My sister, Listen to the spoken word: HIS


Are We There Yet?


“Have faith in the Lord and do what is right, dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness, delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord, trusting in Him, and He will change your heart and bring forth your righteousness as the light and your judgment as the noon day sun.” -Psalm 37:3-6

Have you ever felt like you’re on a long journey with God in a car and you are asking Him, “Are we there yet?”  Have you ever felt like you have been praying for something for a long time, and feel like God hasn’t answered your prayer yet?  Maybe you feel like you’ve been going through the same sexual struggle for years.  Maybe you have an unfulfilled desire and you’re praying and just waiting.  God is not ignoring you.  You are His daughter.

Keep seeking hard after God!  You do not know what is happening in the heavenlies.  When you put your trust and hope in God, you just don’t know that God is working on your behalf.  

As children of God He is building your character and wants you to become what you need to become for the call He has for your life.  Keep your faith in Him through the process of seeking and waiting.  

Respect the process God has you in.  Let Him work in and through you!  Be faithful where you are and with what you have during this season, trusting HIM to finish the good work He has started in you.  

Although it appears nothing is happening, or that you’re not there yet, do not give up hope, do not fret, you are closer than you think!

There can be so much going on at once, great things and rough things, but HE is faithful and one thing He is teaching me among with 100 other things is-- respect the process. 

The process of healing, the process of forgiving, the process of persevering in prayer, the process of molding, the process of loving the unlovable, the process of becoming ALL He wants us to be.

I do not know what process you are in, but know that your breakthrough is in your sacrifice.  So stay on the surgery table, fix your eyes on the one who loves you, Jesus, and let HIM work in you!

Remember this.

"When people choose to withdraw far from a fire, the fire continues to give warmth, but they grow cold. When people choose to withdraw far from light, the light continues to be bright in itself but they are in darkness. This is also the case when people withdraw from God."  –Augustine



Honoring the men in our lives.


As I began to think about ways we could honor the men in our lives (our fathers, brothers, leaders, sons and male friends in our life), I couldn’t help but first recognize that this may be a really difficult topic for some women.  It may be difficult for you as a woman to honor the men in your life, because maybe men or a man in general has hurt you deeply in some way.  I recognize that we all have had different experiences with the men in our lives.  Some of us have had great and wonderful experiences, and yet some have had devastating experiences.  These experiences could be long gone in the past, but the pain is very present in our hearts and minds.

This blog will not be exhaustive.  That’s why I called it 101, because it includes basic but important principles.  It will be an encouragement of moving from complaining and talking down to the men in our lives, to coming to a place of honoring and supporting the men in our lives.  This may look different for each woman reading, but there are some principles that I think we can all apply.

So first things first…before you move on in reading…say this prayer and pray whatever else comes to you.

“God, I understand that I may have thoughts and feelings about men that are stemming from the past.  Heal those wounds, God.  Help me to see the men in my life with different eyes.  Help me to honor and respect them the way you have called me to.  Help me to see them the way you do.  Don’t allow me to make the men in my life pay for what others did to me. In Jesus name, Amen.”

Now, how can we honor the men in our lives?

Here are three things we can BE in regards to honoring the men in our lives:





What do you think is the most powerful part of your body?  Now I know some of you may be thinking about how much weight you can actually lift.  No, I’m not referring to that kind of power.  I am referring to one of the most powerful parts of our bodies, ladies, which is our mouth.

With our mouth we can build up or we can tear down.   With our words we can actually speak life or death to someone. The Bible says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” (Proverbs 18:21)

Another scripture says, “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” (Proverbs 14:1)

In 1st Timothy 5, Paul exhorts, “Never speak harshly to an older man,but appeal to him respectfully as you would to your own father. Talk to younger men as you would to your own brothers. Treat older women as you would your mother, and treat younger women with all purity as you would your own sisters.”

Are you seeing a common thread here?

How we speak is just as important as what we speak.

One of the best ways we can honor our father, son, husband, and/or brother is to build him up with how we speak and what we say.  When we share something that we disagree with, we shouldn’t be harsh.  I looked up harsh, this is what I found: Harsh-unpleasantly rough or jarring to the senses.  We should watch our tone.  Some of us speak more respectfully to our bosses than we do our husband or father.  You will likely disagree with the men in your lives, but ladies, we should appeal respectfully if we disagree on something.

Let us be builders.  Now just to be clear, I don’t want you going up to random men in church like, “I really want to build you up brother”; because he might be thinking something different.  I am speaking of building up the men you are in alliance with, whether that’s a relationship through family, work or church.  I am sure you yourself can recall a time someone said something to you that hurt so bad it impacted the way you view yourself.  Or rather even someone who spoke such an encouraging word that it gave you the strength to face something you never thought you could.  In the same way, we should be very careful to build up and be life givers.  We should be careful not to tear down with our words, but be gracious and uplifting.  Be a life giver and speak life!



In this section I am addressing how we can honor the men in our lives by protecting them.  I want to address how we can help protect our brothers in the area of purity.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I am a huge proponent of men protecting women’s purity as well.  But I hold women to just as high of a standard. I believe that a man has FULL responsibility over his eyes, body and actions.  But us as women have ways that we can help protect them as well.

We should seek to protect the men in our lives by guarding the words we speak, being mindful in how we dress, and checking our motives when we do things.  In regards to men we interact with, let’s be intentional in protecting our brothers purity.  It’s bad enough that we live in an overly sexualized world, but now guys have to face this in church too?  May it not be so! Here’s how we can protect them:

  • Dressing Modestly… This can cause a huge debate over what is modest and what is not modest.  An article on modesty can be a blog all by itself, but for the sake of time, I’m simply going to stick to the principle and heart of the matter.  Let’s be mindful ladies on what we’re wearing and why you’re wearing it.  Ask yourself as you get dressed, “What’s my motive in wearing this?”  Do you simply want to look pretty or are you seeking to look “sexy” and draw unhealthy attention?  Ask yourself, “Will this outfit cause a brother to stumble?”

Three basic things that have helped me when it comes to modesty:

  1. Cover your goods.  Nobody needs to see your “girls” aka chest.  Avoid all cleavage!  That’s for your husband and only your husband only in the privacy of your own home.  Now I know my single girls are like, “But I don’t have a husband.”  Well lovely, then all the more, cover it up in honor of the LORD.  Commit your body to honoring God and God alone.  If and when God allows you to be married, then you can seek to look sexy within the sacredness of marriage.
  2. Cover areas that you know are well-endowed…you all know what I’m talking about.  If you have a lot of junk in your trunk, wear long shirts or a dress as a shirt WITH jeans, or long cute cardigans just long enough to cover it up.  Invest in undershirts in every color to cover your goods.  (Discovery store has good stretchy undershirts for a great price) J
  3. Avoid super tight clothes that look like your outfit was painted on you.  It may be covering you from your neck to your ankles, but it’s so tight it doesn’t leave anything to the imagination.  Let’s be mysterious honey.
  • Beware of flirting, flattery and manipulation- Not only can we honor our men by protecting them in how we dress, we can also protect them in the words we speak.  Sometimes we don’t realize what we’re saying.  We want to make sure our words are not sending a double message.  Beware of flirting, flattery, or manipulation.   I remember as a single woman I thought there wasn’t anything wrong with flirting and flattering guys.  But when I looked at God’s Word and saw that flattery is displeasing to God, I repented and began asking HIM to change my ways.  (Check out Proverbs 6:23-27)

Flattery is “excessive and insincere praise, especially that’s given to further one’s own interests.”  This is dangerous because as women, if we’re not careful we can use our words to get our way with the men in our life.  If we’re saying things we really don’t mean just to get what we want, that’s manipulation and it doesn’t honor God or the man in your life.  Be careful, too, that you don’t use spiritual flirting or spiritual manipulation.  Don’t get it twisted, if you’re doing this to your husband or fiancé, he can feel it and it can cause a wedge in your relationship.

  • Watch your body language.  Sometimes were not honoring our brothers by our interactions with them.  I remember I had a good guy friend in college, who I didn’t view as anything but a friend.  We were really cool and he saw me as a friend as well.  One day I was sitting next to him in an auditorium setting, talking with him and he shared a joke with me, that I laughed so hard and hit his leg and was kind of just leaning my body on him laughing…but I was leaning a little too long and I was a little to comfortable.  I felt the Lord ask me, “If this man were married, would you be interacting with him this way?”  I immediately jolted up off of him and changed the way I interacted with him and every other brother after that.  Just because you’re single or your brother in Christ is single, doesn’t mean you have the right to do whatever you want.  He may be someone’s future husband! So to be safe, whether he’s married or not, just honor him as your brother.
  • For the wives only…(Singles you can keep this for the future as the Lord wills)

Wives, do dress nice for your husband.  Do wear things he likes.  Do flirt with your husband.  Do show how much you love your husband with your body.  I heard a godly married woman share at a conference, “Wives, remember your husband chose to be with you and only you; and you and only you are choosing not to have sex with him?  May it not be so wives!”  One of the best ways to honor your husband is love him with your body and not withhold from him. You betta take care of your man!   Ok, I’ll keep that one right there, because that’s another blog for another day.  (1 Corinthians 7:1-5)


The third way we can honor our father, husband, brother or son is to give him respect.  This is a man’s number #1 need from a woman.  Just as much as we desire to be loved, so a man desires to feel respected.  Respect will look differently for different relationships.  Please use discernment and wisdom as you apply these principles.

Shaunti Feldhahn, who writes many books and articles on what men wish women knew, says we can show respect to men by respecting his judgment, respecting his abilities, respecting him in public, and respecting in our assumptions.

Respecting His Judgment

Shaunti writes, “Several men confessed that they felt like their opinions and decisions were actively valued in every area of their lives except at home. Some men felt that their comrades at work trusted their judgment more than their own wives did. Also, while a man’s partners or colleagues will rarely tell him what to do (they ask him or collaborate on the decision instead), more than one wife has made the mistake of ordering her husband around like one of the kids.”

Yikes!!  Even if you may feel like he doesn’t know something; there’s a time, a place and tone to share that.  Sometimes things aren’t even worth sharing either.   We need to be wise women, who are careful with our words.

Proverbs 11:22 says, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.”    Meaning you can be beautiful and yet really ugly at the same time, because your talk doesn’t match your look.  You look great, but your mouth looks like garbage by the words you speak.  Ladies, we don’t need to say certain things.

Before you say something, ask yourself, “Does what I’m about to share build him up?”  If it doesn’t, don’t share it.  Or pray for wisdom on how to share it in a way that doesn’t tear him down.

Respecting His Abilities

I once heard a wise woman say, “Wives, your husband may not be that important outside, but as long as he’s a king in his house, that’s all that matters.”  We want to make sure that we build up the men in our lives with respect.   We never want to belittle them or make them feel like they can’t accomplish something.  This goes from mother to son, wife to husband, and sister to brother. Respect their abilities!

1Peter 3:1-2 says to the wives, “In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. 

Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.”

Whether your husband is a believer or not, you as a wife can win him over by the respect you give him and how you treat him.

I know it’s a joke out there about how men want to fix things in the house even when they’re not a handyman.  But there is something to know about men.  Let them figure it out even though you know you might be able to do it “better” or “faster.”  This could be as simple as him fixing something in the house or finding his way to an event.  Sometimes I can tell we may be lost, and I’ll go pull up google maps on my iPhone and my husband will gently notice and say, “Babe, I got this one.”  And I respectfully will say, “Ok honey.” I put my phone in my purse and pray he knows where we’re going. Lol!  Why?  Because if we’re a few minutes late to something, but my man feels like I trust him, that means the world to him.

Let’s try to trust our husbands, fathers, or brothers even without complaining or giving him beef about it.  Chose your battles.  Some things are not worth fighting about or being right about!  In the same example, there have been times when I knew we really needed to get to a certain place and right now was not the time for him to “figure” it out.  I will lovingly and respectfully appeal by saying, “Love, we need to be there in 15 minutes, can I look up the address for you, just to see if we’re taking the best route?”  And with no problem, my husband has said, “Sure babe. Yes please” and I gave him directions.  End of story…

So I know every situation and marriage is different.  However, it’s the little things that matter to them.  If we don’t trust them with little things, they wonder if we trust them at all.  I know women and men are wired a little differently in this area, but it’s so important to understand.

If we as women keep doing what he’s “supposed” to be doing, many men will abdicate their roles and sit passively as you do it.  Then you’re all frustrated wondering why he won’t step up…maybe because you got impatient and didn’t let your man lead.

Respecting Him in Public

Never disrespect your man in public.  You don’t want to ever say something or react in a way that would cause embarrassment to the man in your life.  Even if, let’s say, you think he “deserves a few words”, wait until you are in private to be able to respectfully express how you feel .

Shauntee Feldman says it well in her book For Women Only, “Showing public respect goes a long way. Just as your man will be hurt and angry if you disrespect him in public, he will think you are the most wonderful woman in the world if you publicly build him up. Trust me—from the men I’ve talked to, that will be the equivalent of his coming home to you with a dozen roses and a surprise date night without the kids. He will feel adored.”

Here’s a phrase that would really touch the heart of your husband, father, son or brother…

“I respect you.”

To the wives reading this…your husband desperately needs your respect and honor.  He needs your love and he needs your affirmation.  He may even need your apology.  He can’t win without you.  Remember you’re a team, so love and RESPECT your husband like there’s no tomorrow.

I know this is not easy, especially if you feel the man in your life isn’t “worthy of respect”.  Pray for wisdom; find a mature woman of God that you can pray and process with and seek counsel for your unique situation.  In no way do I ever want a woman to feel she needs to respect or stay with a man who is abusing or hurting her.  There’s wisdom and counsel to be sought when it comes to danger or abuse on any level or domestic violence.  In no way do I advocate that.  Please get help immediately if you are dealing with this.

Ladies, more than anything, know that our words weigh heavy and are very powerful.  May we be known as women who build our homes and not tear it down with our own hands.  May we be women who encourage our husbands, fathers, brothers, and sons.  May we speak life to them, protect them and respect them.

Original Post:

love you!!



Journey to becoming daughter.

A few months back, Maria shared her story for #clickforhope.  Maria received a free photo shoot by Jazi and her story was featured on 

The beautiful, talented and down to earth Jazi was so moved by Maria's story, she asked if she could give us both a free photo shoot.  I was so thankful for the opportunity!  It was the first time Maria was really able to share her story and journey into our family...

Here is Maria's story and journey and is our story...


At the age of two I was taken away from my biological mother because of my brother, who was 14, molested me and for my mom being in prostitution at the time. So me and all my 12 brothers and sisters got taken away from my mom. 

DCFS separated us and put us in different foster homes. Each foster child has a goal, either to get adopted or be independent. Independent means that once you turn 18, DCFS puts you in this program called "Independent living" and they give you a thousand dollars every month and tell you to go be an adult without help or resources. Somehow the government decided that I would be in the independent program, so from the age of 2 to 18, I was in foster care and I wouldn’t be able to get adopted, because that wasn’t my “goal”.  I was placed in multiple foster homes.  Every foster home was very physically and verbally abusive, that’s why I moved around so much. Once you get older, it’s harder to stay in a foster home because the families want babies with no problems and I guess I had a lot of issues. Nothing was stable. I was constantly getting rejected by families and feeling alone. I became very angry and started hating everyone, especially myself and I hated my life. I had no friends at school because I would move a lot and that meant I had to transfer a lot. I wouldn’t put any effort in my academics because of moving so much.  I thought why even try if I’m not going to be here for long and that’s how it was. I would be in one school for a week and then transfer to the next. Once I entered high school, it was the worst. They would just pass me because I was in foster care. It actually messed me up because I never really learned to even write a paper. 

Things began to turn around a little for me as I entered my senior year.  I got a new case worker because I was about to turn 18. I was getting ready to transfer into the independent living program. I’ll never forget my caseworkers named Gloria— she was Christian and on her own time she told me about God. She invited me to church and started taking me to the youth group at her church and by the third time of me going to youth group, I asked Jesus to come live in my heart and to forgive me from my sins. Ever since then, my life has never been the same. I graduated high school as a Christian, loving Jesus, but I was afraid, because I was entering into “adulthood,” and getting ready to move on my own and be independent. 

Once I moved out, I had no help. My old caseworker Gloria had been let go, so I had nobody and I remember crying in my first apartment saying, “Father I need you to become so real to me, help me please! I’m afraid of being alone, please help me, Jesus.” It was then, I got a phone call from one of my friend's mom and asked if I wanted to go to church with her and of course I said ‘yes’.  I started going to a small church called, Grace and Peace Community Church.  Although it was small, it had a great impact on my life.  That’s when I started learning so much more about God, and the more I started reading His word, the more I was falling in love with Jesus. 

Although it might sound strange to some, one of the things I would do a lot to make Jesus real in my life is I would go on dates with Jesus. I would get all dressed up and go to a fancy restaurant and ask for a table for 2. The waiter would tell me “you look nice, are you waiting for your date to arrive?” and I would say “My date is already here at the table sitting with me” (lol the look on his face was priceless). I could say that Jesus became so real.  He was my everything and still is...Even though I felt alone physically, spiritually I felt so beautiful, loved and accepted. My companionship with Him was very strong.  There was a woman from the church I attended who came up to me and said, "You know, you should start praying for your husband because in the word in Psalm 37:4 it says 'Take delight in the Lord and he will give you your heart’s desire.'" I went home after service and I prayed to the Lord.  I thought, well if you will give me my heart’s desire than I want parents and that started the journey of me praying for my parents. 

Once I turned 19 I met a woman named Polly (she attended at Grace and Peace as well) and she was part of BreakDown.  This peer mentoring program sought to break down society lies of love, sex and relationship through the performing arts. Well, she was looking for girls and guys who knew how to dance, sing, act or do spoken word. Since, I would sing and dance at my church, she asked me if I would like to be part of BreakDown. I said “yes I would love too.” I was in this group for 5 years and that’s where I met my leaders, Melody who then married her husband CD.  They were the leaders for a season and then they left because they felt God was calling them to serve at their church.  Around the time they left, I was like 22 to 23 and I was still faithfully praying for my parents. I would remember going on dates and telling Jesus, "When is it going to happen." He said, "If I don’t give you parents, Maria, am I not enough?" I started to cry and I said, "Yes you are." He said, "Surrender that desire and trust me, I know what’s best." After that talk with Jesus I stopped praying for my parents and started putting my trust in Him even more and that was hard. Many nights I would cry myself to sleep thinking, “What is my purpose, who am I?”

At 24, still nothing’s changed, everything was still the same, going to church, loving God and serving at my church, & still part of BreakDown. But the number of people on our team started to dwindle. Every year we would have retreats for every BreakDown team in the world and we would gather and get equipped and encouraged.   It would be great like one big happy family reunion. For the team in Chicago, this was our last retreat. So Melody contacted everyone on the team to see who wanted to go and I was the only one from my team that went.  It was fun, it was just me, Melody and her new born baby Jael. We all stayed in the same hotel room and with a curious look on Melody’s face she asked me “What’s your story, Maria?" I shared my entire story with her and then she got really emotional…


So here I am on this retreat with my daughter Jael and Maria and we’re just on a break during the retreat and I sense God say to my heart, “Ask Maria her story.”  I thought to myself, I know her story. As I pondered what her story was, I realized I actually didn’t know her story…  I ask, “Maria, what’s your story?  Tell me everything.”  What happened after that, I cannot explain.  She began to share her story...In a nutshell I heard, “Well, I am a twin and I was taken from my mom at the age of two…I have been in 16 homes from the age of 2 to 18…I was physically and verbally abused…I never really had my own room…When I finally got an apartment at 18, my roommate messed with my finances…I’m living with a friend right now.”  

My jaw dropped, my heart was gripped.  I couldn't believe all she had been through and I said to myself, goodness this beauty needs a home, she needs a mom.  And I know the gentle whisper of my Lord…and He said, “Yes, she needs a mom.  You be her mom.”  I quickly shut that idea down, with “Lord I am way too young.  I can’t be her mom!”  But there was a deep conviction and heaviness on my heart that I knew wouldn’t lift until I obeyed…I couldn’t stand the heaviness anymore, I stepped out in faith and said, “Maria, I know this sounds crazy, but wouldn’t it be cool if God allowed me to be a mother to you?”  To my surprise, Maria giggled and began to shout, “REALLY? I WOULD LOVE THAT!”  Although a 24 year old girl was in front of me, it was as if, I saw a 12 year old girl inside filled with hope and joy.  Whew…I thought, ok God if this is you, you’re gonna have to give me lots of confirmation…and HE did just that.

Around this time, CD and I had seen the Blind Side movie and that tore us apart and gave us a perspective of really opening your heart and home to someone. When I got home and shared with CD the details of Maria’s life and what I believed God was leading us to, I broke out into tears.  I was so broken for her.  I hurt at the thought that she never had a room to call her own.  She had never ate a dinner table with family.  She didn’t have Christmas celebrations like I did with my parents.  My dear husband took a deep breathe in as he breathed in the reality of what this would mean and look like…and said, “Well, I knew we’d adopt.  I just never thought we’d adopt an adult.”  We chuckled and laughed, and I laughed through my tears thinking, “Oh man, what are we thinking…’  

As I prayed and waited for confirmation…I got them a lot faster than I anticipated.  

While I was at work, I shared with my best friend what I believed God may have been leading us to do and she says, “Oh wow, then during lunch, you need to hear this sermon.”  That noon as I sat in front of her laptop to hear a sermon by a woman I hadn’t heard yet, named Lisa Bevere.  The sermon was called, “Are you my mother?”  I already knew I was in trouble and thought, “You gotta be kidding.”  

She starts the message reading the children storybook called, “Are you my mother?”  About this journey for a little chick who’s seemed to have lost his mom and begins going up to random animals asking, “Are you my mother?”  

Until finally her momma notices her little chick and they reunite and go back home.  Lisa begins to look at the crowd and it felt like she was speaking directly to me, “There are women in this generation who are motherless and they are looking, searching and asking, ‘Are you my mother?’  Will you answer that call?  God is raising up mothers for this generation.  Not mentors, no mothers.  A mentor reproduces herself in another young woman, but a mother, lays down her life for her daughter.”  That was it…I was messed up, in a good way…I knew God was speaking…

That Sunday we had a missionary come share at our church.  He began to share a story about how he would take kids out of the slums where he served to go feed them by buying a pizza and eating out with them.  But one day, the LORD challenged him and said, “Get the pizza and go eat the pizza with them in the slums.”  When he did that, it did something for them and for him.  He felt really connected to them and saw things from their perspective.  The missionary then began to say, “Sometimes God will have you get someone out of the pit they are in, but then there are times when God will have you get in the pit with them and help them out.”  Again I can’t explain it, but I was completely gripped and convicted and knew what God was saying…I went up to the front for the altar call for prayer and my husband grabbed my hand and says, “We need to open our home to Maria.”  At that moment as we bowed our head in surrender and obedience, we make space in our hearts and home for Maria.    


So, the retreat was over, I went back home and Melody went back home to her family and everything was back to normal.  A woman from my church asked me if I wanted to go to a trip with her daughter to Puerto Rico (at the time I use to mentor her daughter) so I said, "Sure I’ll go." We went to Puerto Rico and we had a great time.  It was my first time ever going and by the third day being there, I received a phone call from CD, Melody’s husband, which was so weird, because I never really talked to him by phone.  We talked on the phone and he told me they had been praying for me. I was like okay, that’s nice, thanks and then he asked me a question and said, “Maria you been on my heart and I wanted to ask you a question, but I didn’t want to creep you. Would you like to be a part of our family?  Would you allow me to be a dad to you? If you say yes, I would want you to come home and live with us?  I believe the LORD wants to restore everything that the enemy has stolen.” I felt like time stopped, I couldn’t believe that this was happening; my heart’s desire was to have parents and GOD ANSWERED. 

I was screaming all over the house and it was raining outside, so I took my friend out with me. I told her the Lord has given me parents and we started dancing in the rain! That was the best day of my life. I couldn’t believe it. I said to myself, “I’m actually going to be part of a family that is my own.”  On September 25, 2010 I became a Fabien…I now on my own go by the name Maria Isabella Fabien Salgado. My life now has never been the same.  As time progressed the reality that they were my parents really became real.  I even asked them “Can I call you mom and dad?”   They encouraged me to call them “Mom and Dad” if and only when I felt led by the LORD.  God has used my Dad CD to help heal me in areas of my life I didn’t know were so broken. 

I saw in my Dad CD, a father that protected me.  It helped heal me from so many wounds of what men have done to me in the past when I was in foster care. Although the journey of learning to be in a family was not easy at all, I stuck to the process. God used my Mom Melody and Dad to help me finally have a safe space to heal.  Now four years in, I can say, the wounds have been healed and all the enemy stole from me mentally and emotionally has been restored.  God truly restored the years that the locust has eaten. Now I love going out and sharing my story because there is such freedom in sharing our story. 

My favorite verse is Isaiah 61:1 "The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor." He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed.

If I could speak to someone who has a similar story, I want you to know, there is hope! You were created with purpose, and you are called for greatness. There are great people out there that can be there for you, who will love you in the midst of the chaos and hurt. It may be a church family or your church community that will love you back to wholeness.  I have seen that, it's the choices that we make that will determine your future.


There are so many stories within this story of our four year journey as a family…but in a nutshell that is our story.  It has not been easy at all.  There were many times we wanted to give up.  There were many painful times, but there were so many more beautiful times.  Love is a risk and you will get hurt at times...but it's worth it.

Maria within her time with us, has been able to have her own room, buy her own bedroom furniture, experience eating frequently at the dinner table with her family, experience her first family photo and spend all the holidays with now lots of family.  :)


I am thankful for the blessing of being Maria's mom. His grace is sufficient. I don’t regret it at all.  When I see my daughter Maria now and think back to how she use to be, I stand in AWE of God.  Maria went from being this insecure, bound, scared, girl who hid her face behind her hair to NOW being a confident in Christ, delivered, restored, bold, beautiful young woman who now leads worship at church.




I know God is writing a beautiful story for Maria and we’re blessed to be a part of it.  For truly whatever you do for the least of these, you do for Jesus.  CD and I have learned many countless valuable lessons through love and obedience.  We can truly understand the heart of God for the fatherless and are seeing His heart for adoption.  He is the Father to the Fatherless and we are His hands and feet on the earth.  We can do nothing without His love.

Many times people know God is leading them to do something, but they don’t want to make the adjustments for fear of what it will cost them.  Oh Beloved, don’t allow the cost to scare you, for He is Worthy of it all; and it’s when you love God and are motivated by love to obey and make those adjustments, that my friend is when you will truly experience God.  

Crazy in Love with HIM,


Stop sleeping with dead things.

Necrophilia- an erotic attraction to corpses.  

My definition of Spiritual Necrophilia- an erotic attraction or affair to ones own personal junk, past and/or dead things.

As crazy and morbid as that sounds, many people are holding on to dead stuff and dead things that are damaging the mess out of them.  

What is a dead thing? It's a relationship or an experience that is done! It is in the past and we got that dead thing plopped up on the couch, in our beds, or dragging that dead thing around with us wherever we go...We live with it like it's alive or like it happened yesterday.

That "dead thing" in our lives could be sin in your life.  This sin produces nothing but death...

"And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else. Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death."       -James 1:13-15

Oh, my friend, how I long to see you free! It's time to stop sleeping with dead things.

It's horrible because that person you're still holding on to might have already moved on already...and you're still with them in your head! 

That "dead thing" in our lives could be anger or bitterness.

Beloved, we cannot get rid of real soul ties, the unforgiveness, the bitterness, the old relationship, the anger, the past bad experiences, or the bad habit because we're still holding on to IT instead of GOD! 

That "dead thing" is whatever you know good and well is not producing any life in you.

We must seek JESUS to receive the freedom we're really looking's not easy to let go, but it is indeed possible.

  • The first step in dealing with our junk is first admitting and confessing that we even have junk...
  • The second thing is making a resolve in your heart and mind to deal with that junk.  Until you hate it, you will keep having an affair with it.  Ask JESUS to heal Your "I DON'T WANT TO" to "I WANT TO" change...

...Ask the Holy Spirit for the grace to let Him search your heart and find what's even in there...Those dark closets and areas in the basement of your heart that no one  knows about nor do you let anyone in on...

Once you allow God there, repent. Ask God for forgiveness. Ask Him to cleanse you, heal you, change you, mold you and breath new life into you.

  • ready to MAKE WAR with your "dead thing"!  

You can't have" cafe con leche" with the devil.

The devil does not play fair, so you must be ready to fight in prayer...

Have one or two spiritual WARRIORS not WORRIERS who will surround you in this season of dealing with your junk.  Just someone that will commit to pray for you.  They don't necessarily have to be with you holding your hand, but you need them to be filled with faith for you and praying for your freedom.




“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman (or man) with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." - Matthew 5:27-30


I don't want to argue on what Jesus "really" or literally meant...

Look, he really MEANT what he meant, cut off whatever is causing you to sin! 

Cut the things in your life that are causing your bondage. 

IF its through Facebook that your X keeps getting in contact with you...then maybe you will have to cut off Facebook.

IF you are struggling with your weight and turn to food for comfort instead of GOD, then it will mean you cutting off bringing certain food into your home.

IF that means you can't shop at a certain store, because a certain someone works there and keeps flirting with you, then YES ITS TIME TO SHOP AT A DIFFERENT PLACE! 


Know this...

OBEDIENCE to God is inconvenient.


Obedience to GOD is Worth IT!

OBEDIENCE TO GOD will make you look crazy to others.

Obedience to GOD IS DIFFICULT.

Obedience to GOD is DEATH TO SELF. 

OBEDIENCE to GOD is NOT self-seeking.

OBEDIENCE TO GOD will Bring A JOY this World Can't Offer.

OBEDIENCE TO GOD is SO REWARDING here on earth and in the life to come.


Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

-Matthew 6:33


There's so much more I can say...more than anything TIME with the LORD and HIS WORD will bring about your freedom.

So whether right at this moment, during your lunch break, right there in your car, alone in your living room or tonight while lying in bed, GET WITH JESUS! It's time to let Him in...



Pray this prayer...

"O Lord, you have examined my heart
    and know everything about me.

You know when I sit down or stand up.
    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

You see me when I travel
    and when I rest at home.
    You know everything I do.

You know what I am going to say
    even before I say it, Lord.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
 Point out anything in me that offends you,
    and lead me along the path of everlasting life."

-Excerpts from Psalm 139

Here's a spoken word piece about the dead thing

my friend Preston was sleeping with...

"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him."  -Romans 12:1


Spend time with the LORD today! Don't run to liquor, don't run to food, don't run to weed, don't run into someones shoulder or bed, RUN INTO THE PRESENCE OF GOD! 


Here's a playlist (Click Here) to bless your soul as you seek God...

I encourage you to read Read Romans 7 and 8...

"When God lives and breathes in you (and he does, as surely as he did in Jesus), you are delivered from that dead life. With his Spirit living in you, your body will be as alive as Christ’s!

So don’t you see that we don’t owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There’s nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God’s Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go!" 

-Romans 8:12-16 MSG


For your freedom, love your sis,

Is he the one?

Hello my beautiful sisters!


Lately, my heart has been really crying out for my single sisters. I have counseled quite a few single women this month who either are getting out of a rough dating relationship or some wondering why they shouldn’t date the “good guy who doesn’t love Jesus". 

My heart breaks because I am tired of seeing so many of my sisters’ settling for “Mr. Right Now” and not waiting for “MR.RIGHT!” 

I remember when my best friend and I were 24 years old, both single and very curious as to “WHO” would be the one for us; we decided to take a different outlook on our singleness.  We decided, instead of talking about guys all the time and wondering “WHO” our husband will be, “why don’t we honestly focus on the Lover of our soul Jesus, serve like Him like crazy and we become the one…”

What I mean by, “Become the One” is instead of trying to find or wait for the one, we focused on building our character and being the right one.  We decided to put our faith in action by praying for our future husband.  We prayed specifically; we prayed for the character of our husbands.  We prayed we would be attracted to our husbands, that we would be teammates with our husbands.  We prayed for his calling, the ministry God would call us to, we prayed for our future marriages, our intimacy with our husbands and even how we wanted to bring the best out of them and vice versa. 

Whenever we met an awesome guy at church or a Christian event and saw amazing attractive qualities about that guy, instead of thinking, “oooh maybe, he is the one?” We just prayed those character qualities for our future husband and then honestly asked ourselves, “do we possess those character traits?”

Now don’t get me wrong, as a single woman in my twenties and approaching thirty, I thought about “who” would marry often.  I had to frequently check myself to keep my thoughts on the LORD.

There were many “Mr. Wrongs” that I thought were “Mr. Rights”. From the age of 20 and on, I didn’t date any of them.  I only had friendships with guys during my seven year vow.  But in my head, I was observing them and in the Spirit and praying whether they were something or not.  Not once ladies, did I tell a brother, “I like you”. 

Some may call it being old fashioned, but I do believe that it is a MANS JOB TO PURSUE YOU!

Now personally, I am ambitious and go getter, but in the area of relationships and marriage the one thing I learned during my 7 year vow was that it is the man’s job to pursue.

I was taught by my awesome dad, that when a man is really interested in you, you will know.  He eventually will tell you.  If he hasn’t told you verbally, then maybe he’s just not that into you….what might be ISN’T. (That’s another blog)

Thankfully, because I prayed so much for my future husband, I knew what I was waiting for.  So if I met a handsome godly guy that showed interest, but I saw that he did not possess the heart and character qualities I was praying for, I thought to myself, ‘Excuse me sir, but you’re in the way of the one.’ 

I remember my senior year of college, out of nowhere, I started thinking of one of my x-boyfriends that I had a serious crush on when I was 16 years old.  For some reason, he kept coming to my mind.  Then one family picnic, he shows up to the picnic looking for me!

Oh girls, he looked good. He seemed to have it all: nice car, great job, charisma, college education, humor, got along with my family and boy did he have “game”— he had many qualities, but one huge thing was missing…… 

He didn’t love Jesus

I remember feeling such a struggle in my heart because he seemed to have it all, but yet, was missing everything, because he didn’t know nor had any desire to love my Savior.

I was so tempted by the idea of giving him a chance, my flesh was trying to justify that maybe I could “help” him find Jesus again like I tried when I was 16. Maybe this time he could turn around.

He approached me and said, “I didn’t come to this picnic for a sandwich, I came here to see you.  Would it be ok to meet for dinner to talk?” 

I replied kindly, “No, I don’t do dinner with guys.” 

Yes ladies, as a single girl, I use to do dinner with guys who showed interest, but I learned my lesson and made a decision not to do dinner alone with a guy unless I knew he was definitely marriage material and it was going towards courtship.  There is just something about dinner and dim lighting…he looks cuter in dim lighting...they play romantic music...etc. you get the point. We need to guard our hearts!

So I suggested we just meet up for a quick bite during lunch (in daylight) or take a walk at a nearby park (public setting) to talk. Long story short, he agrees for a lunch meeting the following week.  The day we were supposed to meet, he calls that he’s on his way and I hear a loud motor in the background so I ask, “What’s that sound?”  He proceeds with, “I’m picking you up on my bike.”

HA!! My flesh ladies at this point is totally like, “nice summer motorcycle ride with a fine old friend…that won’t hurt anyone, right?” 

But in my Spirit, I knew…NO WAY!  I followed the Spirit and said, “No venga aqui con eso. [Spanish Translation: don’t come here with that]  I’m sorry, but I’m not getting on your back.” 

He was pretty offended that I wouldn’t get on his bike, and was pretty upset knowing that he had to go back to his house to get his car if he wanted to meet with me. 

Ladies, don’t get me wrong, this was difficult to do. But he wanted to meet with me, so he needed to meet with me in the conditions that I felt showed me the most respect and where I wouldn’t feel tempted.

As godly women, we can’t present our bodies to sin.  The act of getting on a motorcycle is not a sin.  But let’s keep it real, wrapping my legs around my ex-boyfriend for a summer ride and leaning my chest on his back would be a sin for me.  It would not be “living above reproach”, (1 Tim 3:2) it would not be “avoiding the appearance of evil”, (1 Thess 5:22) and it would have led both of us into temptation.

He picked me up in his fancy car, and we ended up meeting at a nearby park. He gave me a nice long speech about how I was the only girl he’s been thinking about for the last 6-7 years since we were teens.  He went on to talk about how he dated so many women and had been with so many women, but his mind and heart keep going back to me.  He said he was sick of all the games and wanted a real woman…blah, blah…

Do you hear the violins playing in the background?

I was not falling for this dudes game.  Was I feeling tempted by his flattery? YES! BUT what I REALLY heard was, “I’ve had sex with a lot of different girls, and now that I am ready to settle and get married; I’d like to settle and get married to a virgin.”

Nope, “I’m not the one dude!”

He then asked, “So I was wondering if I can spend some time getting to know you again and take you out this week.”  He asked me again to go out to dinner, when I had already told him that I don’t do dinner with guys. 

Ladies, was he respecting me? No. We have to pay attention to these little character details that show tell-tale signs that a guy really doesn’t respect you.  I flat out said kindly, “look, I know if I go out with you, I know I will be attracted to you again.  So I can’t do dinner, a movie, nothing with you.  I not only want to guard my body, but I need to guard my heart as well.  Why would I open my heart to a guy that I know I am not going to marry?” 

His jaw dropped open and said, “Oh, you know you’re not going to marry me?”  I said, “Yes, I know that.”  He then says, “Man, that’s why I need a woman like you.  You out the box.  You’re not like any woman I know.” 

AHHH! All the while, my flesh was like, “Come on! Give the guy a chance…”, but I fought the flesh and said, “I’d like to go home now.”  He dropped me off and I thought, “Whew, I passed the test!”

I did win the battle, but the war was not over. He continued to call me as a “friend” to catch up.  He asked me out on dates for another month.  I continued to say no.  Then finally, I listened to the Holy Spirit say, “CUT IT OFF COMPLETELY. Don’t entertain his calls anymore.  Why entertain even conversations with a man you’re not going to marry?”

So I obeyed the Spirit and cut it off.  Then God said, “Erase his number from your phone.” OUCH! I justified it, “But God, what if I just want to invite him to church or something…” God reminded me, I know his address, and I know how to reach him.  So I deleted his number and my cell phone said, “Are you sure you want to delete?” Agh! It was so tempting, BUT I did it, I deleted his number!

I stayed clear from him—and didn’t accept his calls.  I clearly told him that I couldn’t talk to him anymore, that I needed to focus on Christ.  After a couple more calls, and even visiting my church.  He finally gave up. 

Maybe 8 months or so later, I find out he’s engaged and soon after married to another girl. I’m like “WHAT? REALLY?” The enemy even tried to tempt me with the idea, “Look that could have been you getting engaged and married.”

But I knew that I was waiting for the godly man God made just for me; and it was not HIS time yet. 

Ironically about four years later, when I had just been engaged with my wonderful husband, I saw my ex on the train.  

Here I was getting ready to marry the man of my dreams and I came to find that my ex was already recently divorced to his wife.  I couldn’t help but thank GOD for HIS LOVE AND MERCY, for keeping me and saving me from yet another destructive relationship.

What’s my point? See ladies, we have a free will and…

1. Just because a guy pursues you doesn’t mean he’s the one.

2. Just because you’re thinking of someone—doesn’t mean he’s the one.

3. Just because you have a dream with a guy doesn’t mean he’s the one.

4. Just because you think of a certain guy every time you pray doesn’t mean he’s the one.

5. Just because you feel a yearning for a certain guy for years, doesn’t mean he’s the one.

We need to be very careful that we don’t over spiritualize our physical and heart desires.

The Bible warns us ladies, 2 Timothy 3:6-9 says that in the last days, people will be…

reckless, they'll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they're animals. Stay clear of these people. These are the kind of people who smooth-talk themselves into the homes of unstable and needy women and take advantage of them; women who, depressed by their sinfulness, take up with every new religious fad that calls itself "truth."

Listen ladies: stand strong in the power of HIS might and WAIT!

With love and sincerity, I want you to know even if you feel like, “that unstable and needy woman”, you can ask JESUS right now, to strengthen you!  In Christ, you have a new divine nature that will give you the strength to walk in purity and  obedience and avoid anything that hinders your walk with Christ.

A married woman I know who is married to an ungodly difficult man, told me, “Melody, it’s better to be single and lonely, than married to the wrong man and miserable.”

Ladies, TRUST THE LORD!  He has such great plans for you!  I am so thankful that I trusted God and stood on His word when many around me were compromising, I said, “Lord, I will wait!  I will trust You!”

God can do anything girlfriend! He can turn your story around!  I don’t know whether God has marriage in store for you or not. But I do know Jesus is enough.  I do know that HE can give you a wonderful man even if you’ve made some huge mistakes.  His grace is so deep and wide, it’s beyond our comprehension.  But it takes us ladies, surrendering our will to God and trusting HIM with our future.

I understand this topic of “the one” is deep and has many levels to it.  It can be complicated.  As girls we can talk on and on about this topic. Maybe you even have some questions.

PLEASE FILL FREE TO REPLY WITH A QUESTION, in fact I encourage it all the more, and will be coming back with a Part 2 to this blog and maybe a Part 3 or 4 if need be…

I want to give tips and guidelines on how to know if he’s “the one” especially when it’s a good godly guy.  So stay tuned.

In the meantime, read the Book of Ruth.  Check out her story and observe what choices Ruth makes in comparison to Orpah and see the Sovereignty of God in her life as she follows the God of Israel.

Until then sisters, take courage and fight the good fight! I love you dearly!!

Love, Melody

Related Verses to Chew On: